The Day I Came To Be

And now we've gone all the way back to the day I got here in the world. I was a little late so they put a machine on mom's belly so they could listen to how I was doing. She had a contraction and I guess I sort of flipped out. The doctor said it made me stressed and that wasn't good and mama's eyes filled up with tears and nervousness. So then they induced me into coming out that night. Dad rushed home and got mom's suitcase and started making calls to people who called other people. Mama skipped over all the how-far-apart waiting time and went straight to the "truck on fire crashing into my spine" time. Dad and Uncle Mike tried to help her but they couldn't do anything so they pretended they were in labor themselves. Then mama got THE SHOT, THE SWEET SWEET SHOT and all was well. She watched a Laker game, she visited with her friends, dad got a cot next to her and they rested and waited....


...Then, in the middle of the night, the doctor came in and tapped on my womb and said okay lets go. Trap doors opened from the ceiling and dad got up and all frantic and the nurses started rushing around everywhere, then Uncle Mike and Uncle the Chief arrived from after their work at the bar and then like a miracle my Nana and my Aunt Cari walked in from driving all night from Oakland. The Uncles decided to wait downstairs in the waiting room and everyone else gathered at my mom's head and she pushed and pushed and made crumply faces and then BOOM!!!

They took me out and put me on mama's chest and everyone cried and laughed and looked at me and then looked a little closer and wondered what the hell happened to this guy? Geez!!! My dad said someone must have jumped me on the way out and beat the s**t out of me. I was pretty beat up for sure. But everyone was real polite and told me how cute I was and thank GOD, after some very awkward stages which you've all now seen, I did become normal and cute. So that's the story of the first day of my life, January 15, 2005.